I just read an article on msnbc.com about how babies just over a year display trust and distrust based on their adult. Basically, they had 60 babies aged 13-16 months old paired with an adult who was either truthful and sincere or the opposite. Babies who were paired with truthful adults copied their adult who tried to turn on a light switch with their foreheads while the babies paired with LIARS did not trust them enough to copy the behavior.
Hmmm . . .
I've been struggling with being consistent and following through . . . oh yeah, AND trying to get things done. I can 100% see that when I don't follow through with the boys, the poor behavior gets worse. When I don't follow through, I'm basically lying to them and they therefore stop trusting what I'm telling them. That's right, THEY STOP LISTENING!
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| "Whucha gonna do about it, WOMAN?!" |
- GET MORE SLEEP- at least 7 hours- I've read in two different places that this is the best way to be a better parent. I believe it!
- Give more choices all day- simply, do you want to wear red or blue socks; this or that shirt; your milk in this or that cup. 'Do you want to go home now with your Lightning Mcqueen, or stay and play for 5 minutes and leave him here?' 'Do you need me to decide for you?' All choices should be okay with me.
- Stop lying to my kids- I feel terrible every time I threaten to leave my child somewhere. When I give a choice or a request, I will be ready to FOLLOW THROUGH! I may need to swallow my pride and ask for help so I can drag my child, kicking and screaming but they'll remember that what I said is true. This is true for other things too. When I say, 'we will go to the park later,' we better.
- Simple, immediate consequences- With KD, there was zero tolerance for throwing, hitting, and spitting. Mostly, stuff was taken away. Since I've been inconsistent with KC (16mo), now KD (3 y) is adopting the same terrible behavior.
KC is a screamer, hitter, and climber which I haven't had to deal with before. I'm pretty sure some of it is just temperament but I'm positive a lot of it is my parenting. In addition to my discipline issues, I also spent more one on one time with KD. If I have time without my 3 yr old, I'm trying to get things done, often at the expense of KC. So I'm adding a number four.
4. Spend more QT with my CUTIE:)
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| "Me? I was NOT just standing on the table! Just snuggle me!" |
Only kinda losing my mind,
Kim
Posts
Kim, you speak the truth! I have also read about and studied the importance of parenting with consistency. And like you, I have found it challenging to implement...even with only 1 child. When my 2 year old is testing how much he can trust me (read: Total meltdown), I will be sure to call upon your useful suggestions. Thank you for the reminder that we are building trust with our kids, especially when we are disciplining. Their ability to trust us translates to secure attachment, which they will carry with them for life!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment D! It was hard with one kiddo too. It really takes such a conscious effort to create a little flow chart in your head. I just need to update my flow.
ReplyDelete"Through all the drama, I love my momma."
-Snoop Dogg, the master of 'flow'